I'm sorry
by cxdmxztxgandthatsallisee
Summary: I'm sorry i can't live up to all of your stories.


"I'm sorry I couldn't do this for all of you." I exited out of the fan fiction site and turned off my laptop.

Laying back down on my bed i sat for what felt like hours. I wish i could live up to the stories that people wrote about how things would finally go my way.

I'm sorry to disappoint all of you. I try every day. it just doesn't work anymore, but hearing your stories helps.

**and it hurts.**

_Where did I go wrong?_

_Can I make him come back?_

I keep asking myself this, even though I know the answers. It's too far away and too long ago that i got to play the role of the lovestruck teenager, but i played the role different than the director wanted.

**So he found a new actress.**

So my new role is the lonely heartbroken A-type whose foolishness cost her the last chance she may ever have at getting away from this place.

_What does she have that i don't?_

_What am i missing?_

_Why doesn't he love me anymore?_

It hurts more every day, a little more than the last. I buried my head into my pillow. After a good cry, I got up and went over to my mirror. I might not be very good with makeup, but i've gotten good enough to make it look like I'm okay.

**A smile is just a band aid, it only covers up the pain.**

**But not today.**

I did only what i felt i needed to by this point, so I thought a walk through the park would make me hurt less. Though it slipped my mind that this was saturday. The park was filled, Some of my classmates waved as I passed them by. A fan or two gave me hugs, but Everyone seemed so happy. It was almost as if they were taunting me.

_How can they all be so happy?_

_Is there nothing i can do to be happy like them?_

I kept my head down trying not to look at them. A ran forward, faster with every step.I ran into someone they seemed fine, but I fell down, cutting my hand on a rock. The man tried to help me up, but i pushed him away and ran. I hid behind a tree off the main path, brushes surrounded it and no one would be able to view me when they walked past. I could simply sob in peace. I lost track of how long I'd been there and I felt myself drifting to sleep. I don't know how long I was out before i felt someone picking me up.I will still in a daze so I couldn't quite try to argue with them. My eyes were still foggy from crying so I couldn't quite see his face, but the bright green has enough for me to know that it's him. I rested my head against his shoulder and tried not to start crying again.

"You shouldn't be outside alone at this time of night." His voice was steady and unchanging as he walked down the street."Your apartment is 5 blocks from here right?"

"Yes, but why are you-"

"Your apartment is a little too far, knowing what happens on these streets on a saturday night."

"Then what?" I was answered by his silence as he turned down the street, turning us away from the street my building was on. I knew I'd been down this road before, but I can't recall when. Every building looked run down, everyone glared at us as we passed. He finally went through a broken fence gate to a long pathway leading up to a old apartment building. He walked through the empty doorway, Upstairs to the top floor, he set me down long enough for him to unlock and open the door, then carried me through. It was a one room apartment Duncan lived in by himself, All there was there was a bed in the corner a dressers and a mini fridge. I'd been here a few times before, The window was still a hole in the wall he had but a broken car windshield over. Still only lit by moonlight, same old damaged bed with abnormally soft sheets. He put me down and i sat on the foot of the bed, the way i used to on all those morning so long ago. He walked over and pulled out two drinks, a bottle of green tea and a cream soda.

"Still your favorite right?" He handed me the tea bottle.

"Yes, but... you still remember?"

"Couldn't bring myself to throw them out."

"Why are you still in this place?"

"Only place I can afford, the landlord gives me a discount. He knew Charles and Kathleen." He sat next to me takes a sip of his drink.

"How are you still not bitter about that?" He gave me a look before I continued "After my dad left it took me years to even say his name, it was only two years ago yet you-"

"There's always someone who's lost more and is completely fine. The truth is there gone, and if you lost your brother well someone lost a mom, you lost a dad well someone lost their son." His voice broke and he just stared down into the floor.

"I'm sorry for mentioning it." He's been here since his parents died in a car crash. The stray cat Duncan took care of came in through the vent he gave it some food. It hopped on to the bed and layed down between us, that cat has always hated me, but it didn't seem to mind as much when Duncan was there, I wonder why...

"How's your mom holding up?" he finally asked after a silence that felt as if it lasted an eternity.

"She's holding on."

"How about you?"

"fine" I answered looking away.

"Bullshit"

"excuse me?"

"I found you in the park hiding in a bush crying, if there's one thing you're not that's fine."

"How are you and Gothy."

he laughed before answering with, "He took one look at this place and left, turns out she's not as open minding to this situation."

"That bitch, I like this place it's cozy."

"You left some stuff here, want it back?"

"not today." I layed back inhaling the sent of the sheets, witch probably haven't been cleaned in a while, they smelled like the rest of the house, like Duncan.

He laid back too, we watched the cat leave. "is it weird for you to be back here?"

"Not as weird as it was for you to be the one to find me."

"really? you haven't been here since we were together"

"Doesn't feel like it's been that long. Since Gwen wouldn't come in here does that mean you guys didn't-"

"nah, I told you the first time you came over, as far as I care it's only here."

"so you haven't changed all that much."

"not really, you're still the only girl I've ever brought here. First and last." I sat up for long enough to give him a dirty look before he pulled me down onto him.

"You have no idea how long it took me to get over not being able to see you."

"We can go back to the way we were you know. Just forget all of this shit."

"You know we can't do that. It's been to long, I don't think our feelings could have lasted this long."

"Remember what ended up happening, that night after you started yelling at me for losing interest."

"Of course but what does that have to do with anything?"

"maybe it could work today." He rolled over so he was over top of me, and he kissed me for the first time in over a year, but it was familiar as yesterday.

_Maybe I can make it through this life?_

**but he's mine again.**


End file.
